New year, new me? It is that time of year when many people decide it is time to make big changes. Perhaps it means deciding to join a gym for the first time, go back to school, pursue a new career, or try your hand at online dating. Often, when we embark on something new or take on a challenge, we find ourselves out of our comfort zone. We may experience feelings of insecurity, fear, and self-doubt. Sometimes these feelings are so strong that we end up giving up on our goals.
Imposter syndrome refers to feeling that you are not as skilled, qualified, or competent as others perceive you to be. Imposter syndrome is a term used to describe those moments where we feel like we have to “fake it to make it”. It may include feeling like you lack the skills, knowledge, or ability to be successful. Imposter Syndrome can impact anyone. The experience is common enough to have its own name after all. Many people experience imposter syndrome when trying something new or when embarking on a major change. Certain personality types are more likely to experience imposter syndrome, like those of us more prone to anxiety and perfectionism, or individuals who grew up in homes with high academic expectations.
If you find yourself berating your performance, sabotaging your success, plagued with self-doubt, or shortchanging your accomplishments, you may be experiencing imposter syndrome. Take comfort from the fact that you are not alone! There are several tools you can use to face your fears and self-doubt.
Small Wins
Start with a list of what you have accomplished. Many of my clients draw a blank when asked to recall accomplishments, especially if they are prone to self-critical thinking. Did you graduate from high school, learn to drive, hold down a job, learn to manage your own checking account, get married, have children? I encourage you to list out everything. Remember, many of these possibly small seeming victories were once major stressors. Listing all the times you have faced your fears and triumphed can serve as a reminder that you can do hard things!
The Comparison Trap
Stop comparing yourself with others. When we compare our lives and accomplishments to others, like the highlighted reel of social media, we will more than likely feel like we fall short. You may not feel that you have accomplished as much as that friend from high school or co-worker. That is okay! Keep your focus on your own side of the street. If imposter syndrome is rearing its ugly head in your life you may need to take a social media sabbatical until you are in a different headspace. It may be more helpful to shift your focus to comparing yourself to where you were last week, last month, last year, or 5 years ago. Look how far you have come!
Challenge “Stinking Thinking”
Sometimes it is helpful to write out the thoughts and beliefs that are making us feel insecure. Once you have them all written out you can explore if they are in fact true. We don’t have to believe everything we think! In her book, Loving What Is, author Byron Katie outlines four questions we can use to challenge our unhelpful thoughts. Try using these questions to challenge those thoughts that keep you feeling like an imposter.
The four questions of The Work taken from Byron Katie’s website are as follows:
Step 1: Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
Step 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
Step 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Step 4: Who would you be without the thought?
You can use these four questions to identity outdated thoughts or beliefs that are holding you back.
Serve
Instead of focusing on your own discomfort shift your focus to making someone else’s life better. Service is the best medicine when we are stuck in a negative thought spiral. Nothing brings more joy than bringing joy to others. Look for small ways to uplift those around you. Volunteer or use your skills to make the world a better place. Embark on a random act of kindness campaign. Your time, attention, love, and resources will be greatly appreciated by others in need.
Plan
Sometimes the best way to tackle anxiety and self-doubt is to start with a plan. What are the baby steps you can take now to set yourself up for success? Start with the small actions you can start taking today. For example, let’s say you joined a gym but are afraid to go because you are not as “fit” as the other gym members. You could start by planning what you can wear to they gym to feel comfortable and laying those clothes out the night before. Perhaps consider hiring a trainer or finding a workout buddy. By focusing on and accomplishing small steps in the right direction we build momentum towards our goals.
Talk it Out
Do you have anyone you can talk through your feelings with? Are there people in your support system that can remind you of how amazing you are? If not, now could be the time to find a therapist who can coach you through these difficult feelings. Finding a safe space to share you fears and feelings can help make big changes less daunting. A good friend or therapist will be able to help you challenge the negative thoughts that are keeping you stuck.
Don’t let Imposter Syndrome keep you from pursuing big goals in 2022. Remember that these feelings are common. We don’t have to let our fears keep us from growing in positive ways. As always, if you have any questions or need additional support on any of the tools shared, I would love to help. I hope 2022 is a great year for you!