“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
― Dita Von Teese
Rejection is at the heart of many of our most painful memories. From an early age the sting of rejection leaves a lasting imprint. We live in a culture that equates our worth with approval and achievement. Most of us have been raised to seek our sense of worth and value from the approval of others. Finding our worth in the approval of others sets us up for failure. Fear of rejection can keep us sharing our truth with others. It can stop us from pursuing our dreams. In our efforts to avoid rejection we often reject parts of ourselves, trading authenticity for a false sense of belonging.
From an evolutionary perspective our deep-seated fear of rejection makes sense. Humans are tribal animals. In our not-so-distant past, rejection could mean we were kicked out of the tribe. Back when we were hunters and gatherers, being kick out of the tribe meant death. Evolutionary psychologists believe this is why the fear of rejection kicks us into the same fight, flight, freeze mode associated with other dangers.
Unfortunately, rejection is part of life. We have no control over how other people will respond to us. The good news is that we can change how we respond to rejection, even learn to grow from the experience. Here are six ways to take the sting out of rejection.
- Rejection hurts. Let yourself feel all the feelings. Often our attempts to avoid painful emotions end up creating more pain for ourselves in the long run. As you let yourself experience all the emotions rejection has stirred up for you, take comfort in the knowing that you are not alone. Rejection is a universal part of our human experience. Practice compassion for yourself and acknowledge that what you are experiencing is hard.
- Turn to your cheerleaders. We all need people in our lives who can remind us of who we really are when it feels like the world has knocked us down. Sometimes painful emotions make us want to hide from others or put on a brave face. Why not let the people who love you and know you best support you instead?
- Keep being you. It is normal to want to pick ourselves apart in the face of rejection. Thoughts like “I need to change” or “maybe if I was better” may pop up for us. Remember that there are no perfect people. If we were all perfect the world would be a very boring place. You were created to be you, not someone else. Don’t allow rejection to keep you from sharing your authenticity.
- What is the silver lining? Rejection can be a growth opportunity. How can you use this experience to grow into a stronger version of yourself? Instead of allowing rejection to make you smaller, look for ways to use rejection to be a bolder and braver person.
- Its not personal. The truth is that it is not about you in the first place. People often project their own fears, insecurities, doubts, and anger onto others. No one else has the power to define you. I believe everyone is doing the best that can with the amount of self-awareness they have. Other people’s judgements of you are about their own limitations, not yours.
- Consider finding a more sustaining source of approval. Having faith in a higher power allows you to seek your worth in God rather than other people. Knowing you were created and perfectly designed for a purpose will help you find the freedom to boldly show up as yourself.
I hope these tools will be a resource you can turn to next time you have to face rejection. As we grow and pursue or goals, we are almost guaranteed to face failure and rejection along the way. Instead of allowing rejection to sideline us, we can use it to propel us forward. In fact, learning to face and even embrace rejection makes us stronger every time. Yes, rejection hurts, but please know you don’t have to face it alone.