Many people have the misconception that self-care is all about bubble baths and massages. While both of these actions can help us reduce stress and feel better, this is not what I mean when I talk to my clients about self-care. I see self-care as the daily habits and actions that we take that allow us to show up as the best version of ourselves.
Sometimes self-care gets neglected when we don’t feel like we deserve to treat ourselves well. It may make sense to neglect self-care if we have not had it modeled for us by others. We live in a culture that values productivity, achievement, and hard work. As a society we also perpetuate the ideals of sacrifice and perfectionism while setting unrealistic standards for what it means to be successful. Self-care is often seen as self-indulgent or a waste of time. The truth is that we cannot give from an empty cup. When we can learn to meet and honor our own needs, we are better able to be there for others.
Here are some of my favorite self-care practices. I recommend that you try to incorporate a few into your daily routine and see how it impacts your sense of wellbeing.
Meditation
Meditation is top on my list for an important reason. I have personally experienced a multitude of benefits from incorporating meditation into my daily practices. I resisted meditation for a long time because I did not like it! The idea of sitting still for 20 minutes a day felt like torture when I first started. Starting a meditation practice does not require 20 minutes of silence. The good news is that there are many ways to incorporate meditation into your daily routine. You may want to start with a walking meditation in nature, using a guided meditation, or prayer. You can start with 5 minutes and work up from there. For me it takes at least 5 minutes for my thoughts to quiet down, so I target 15-20 minutes a day. Meditation has been shown to have numerous health benefits including a longer life span and an improved sense of wellbeing. Meditation is being used to treat many chronic diseases including depression and anxiety. I recommend committing to at least 30 days before you give up on any efforts to establish a meditation practice. If you stick it out, you may discover it is just what you were missing.
Journaling
Another self-care practice that I recommend to all of my clients is journaling. Like meditation, it is met with resistance but quickly becomes a favorite. I recommend designating a time each day to reflect on your day. You may want to write about stressors, successes, thoughts, feelings, relationships. I have several clients who keep a prayer journal and find that it is a powerful way to “turn over” the worries they are facing. You can even find guided journals with questions that you answer on a daily basis.
Play
I am amazed by how many adults have forgotten how to play. I was one of them! Play is a powerful way to reduce stress and anxiety. What did you do for fun as a kid? Some suggestions include drawing, dancing, time in nature, time with animals, games, puzzles, playgrounds, mini-golf, theme parks, trampolines, crafts, or playing with children (they are experts). Try to plan a small bit of something fun every day! I also recommend trying to plan a bigger play break or activity on weekends.
Assertive Communication
One of the most powerful forms of self-care is learning how to communicate effectively. When we communicate passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively we create stress and discord in our relationships. Unfortunately, we are not taught how to communicate assertively and most of us did not have the best role models. Assertive communication is a great way to increase self-confidence. If you are not sure where to start you may want to look into books on assertive communication or seek the guidance of a therapist.
Taking Care of Our Bodies
One common area of self-care that my clients neglect is taking proper care of their health. I am not talking about eating perfectly or having six pack abs. To me, taking care of our bodies means choosing a diet of mostly whole foods, drinking enough water, getting enough movement, keeping our strength, honoring the importance of sleep, and limiting stress. Taking care of our health includes seeing the doctor and dentist on a regular basis as well. Taking care of our bodies means we don’t ignore or push through pain or illness. I recommend giving your body the same level and care and attention you would want your most precious loved ones to show to their bodies.
Self-Compassion
Most of my clients struggle with self-compassion. Cultivating self-compassion is a powerful way to practice self-care. Most of us are our own worst critics. I encourage my clients to pay attention to how they talk to themselves. In therapy, we work together to reframe their negative self-talk and challenge their self-limiting beliefs. I encourage you to start to try to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a small child or best friend. It may be helpful to remember that we are all doing the best we can. When we know better, we start to do better. No one has every become a happier person through being hard on themselves, I promise it does not work. When we learn to be kind and loving with ourselves all of our relationships improve. Life feels better when we are treated with kindness.
Do Something Scary
We all really love our comfort zones but that is not where growth happens. I encourage you to pick something each week that is outside of your comfort zone and do it! It may be talking to a stranger in line at the store, signing up for a race, learning something new, or confronting a difficult co-worker. When we face our fears and overcome them, we build self-confidence. I recommend keeping a log of your accomplishments and the times you faced your fears. It can serve as a great reminder when you are needing a boost of courage.
Serve
The most powerful form of self-care I can recommend is serving others. Acts of service not only help others, but they are also a great way to feel good about yourself too. Nothing defeats self-pity or negativity better than doing something for someone else. I love random acts of kindness. You may want to make a list of ways you can add small acts of service into your weekly routine. Another option is to reflect on issues you feel passionate about and explore ways to serve those communities. Make a commitment to serve others on a regular basis as a part of your self-care routine.